Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
MIDGETS
????
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
