I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
