My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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