You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
