he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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