Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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