I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
