You can't motorboat a personality
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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