If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
