Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
