her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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