are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
BRING THE BAGELS
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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