Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish you could order shots online.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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