Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
