i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
