i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Randomize
