I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
