I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
