this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
