I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
