last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
