Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
farters have to be the big spoon...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
