this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
