I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
