So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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