I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
