well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
