Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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