Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
