well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
