First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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