I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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