In America we eat man semen.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
