I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
