My brain says no but my pants say off.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
