Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
