shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
