If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
