At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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