So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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