RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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