I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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