Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im six kinds of drunk right now
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Someone signed my nipple.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
