I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
