Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
