apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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