So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
