You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
