They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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