Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
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