But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
