now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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