Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
