what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
