The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
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Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
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That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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