I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
