I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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