so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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