8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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