i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is the high leading the old right now
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
