I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
