last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
