if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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