If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
