Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
